Satire

Clearly signposted diversion sparks nationwide euphoria

Drivers rejoice at convenient alternative route

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

A well-signposted, agreeable diversion to avoid roadworks on the A46 has left the nation gripped in a feverish state of celebration, the like of which hasn’t been seen since VE Day in 1945.

Amid a backdrop of crushing inflation and increasing living costs, the country has been united in its pride for a diversion that neither excessively delays road users nor causes untold local congestion.

Officials working for the Department for Transport (DfT) believe this is the first instance of a successful diversion in Britain since the Romans built roaDS here several millennia ago.

Street parties and pop-up concerts have broken out in every county, crime rates have reportedly dropped to an all-time low and supermarkets are seeing record spending on nibbles and bunting.

“I couldn’t believe it when I first drove through here,” explained one driver. “I fully expected to be held up for hours, but traffic flowed smoothly and I got to work bang on time. Am I in The Matrix?”

Another obseRVed: “When I first saw that big yellow sign and all those cones, I uttered all manner of unrepeatable words under my breath. But that alternative route was an absolute joy. I might go that way permanently now, it’s the prettiest part of Grimsby I’ve ever seen.”

According to reports, the King is just hours away from declaring a new bank holiday, and there are growing calls to honour the traffic planner behind the diversion with a statue in their home town.

“I’ve worked here a week,” the individual said to assembled media this morning. “Didn’t even have to interview for it, just filled out a form and here I am. Next I’m going to set up some temporary lights that let more than three cars out at a time.”